My dearest Gracie,
Here it is; my first letter to my baby girl. Yay! Gracie, you have made quite an impact upon your father's and my world, in the absolute best way. Life looks different now that you are in it. The things that really matter are taking center stage as old cares fade in importance.
We are reveling in how big you are getting, judging by the size of my own belly, and enjoy feeling you rolling around swinging those little limbs of yours! And those movements are becoming more and more powerful by the week. Anticipation over your arrival in the next 2 months grows as much as you do.
This pregnancy with you has been kinda rough. The sickness, pain and inability to sleep were very hard to handle the first few months. The pain and discomforts make it harder to function, but I am taking them in stride. I am taking care of myself in order to take care of you! Know this about your Mama: she is one tough gal! She has many challenges, and she doesn't want to let those things stop her from living the life Heavenly Father wants for her, which includes carrying, bearing and raising a child. I would not change it for the world, because if I did, it would mean not having you. I would go through it all again in order to bring a little spirit into this world. But the thing is, we are not just getting any spirit; we are being given you. You.
I know most parents probably say this about every child they have, but I feel the truth in this to a surprising degree: you are a special little spirit Gracie. I do have a picture in my mind of what you might be like, a product of either my hopes or maybe some mother's intuition. But I don't truly know what you will look like or the personality you will have. But I feel most strongly that you have something that will make you extra-special, not just to your parents, but to others who will come across your path.
We weren't intentionally trying to have a baby until after you were already conceived and starting to develop. It's funny; I started feeling a deep desire and urging to have a baby, so many complex and beautiful emotions that you will hopefully one day also experience. The yearning wove itself like a tapestry into my heart and mind so that it was always with me. After a week or so, I spoke to your dad and we decided to start trying. Two weeks later, after feeling "off" and becoming quite ill, we took a pregnancy test. Though physically debilitated, I felt overwhelming joy at the possibility of having created a life with your father and having that life in our own.
I was so scared to look at the result-what if I wasn't pregnant? It had felt so right that I was. What if I was wrong? I almost couldn't handle that! Your dad asked me if I'd like him to look at it first. I agreed, as I was petrified to do so. I captured the picture of his face when I finally obtained the courage to look up at him. What I saw gave me the answer I needed without having to see the test: tears already welling up in his eyes and a small but triumphant smile that reached to his ears. Never have two little lines meant more in our lifetimes. We were indeed pregnant!
I broke into happy tears and a gigantic smile as I rushed into his arms, where we just held each other tightly. The emotions in that moment I still have not forgotten. That's when we knew that you were coming into our lives.
Since then we have gone through many more emotions a prospective parent faces: joy, excitement, hope, fear, sadness, discouragement, uncertainty, and in the case of the mother, just feeling plain emotional! The positive emotions bring great things. The negative ones not so much.
Most of all, I worry about your health, wanting you to come into this world without problems that will limit your development and well-being. But because of my own experiences and the special children I have come to know during my career, I see those challenges as beautiful, no matter how heartbreaking or brutal they can be. I do not want to be a mother who is clouded by bitter and angry feelings over what their child does or doesn't have, but one who looks for the sunshine through those clouds, and glories in the goodness of every moment.
I have begun asking the Lord that, though I want you to be whole, you be born as you are meant to be. I know without a doubt that any and all challenges you, and in turn, we, are presented with will be because your Father in Heaven knows they will help you grow into the daughter of God He wants you to be. Your sweet Dad and I will be here every step of the way, supporting, loving and, at times, carrying you, every step of the way.
We love you Gracie. Oh, do we love you. We become more excited each and every day for you to be born into our little family. Take care in there my little one. You have time left to grow before you will grace us with your presence.
Love,
Your Mama
