I feel safe knowing that our good financial standings are our umbrella for a rainy day. If something were to happen to one of us, such as losing a job or becoming greatly injured or ill, we will already be in the position to provide for ourselves and won't be thrust into tight or dire financial straights or have to live paycheck-to-paycheck. It saves us from having to go through added stressors that come from financial strain.
The Lord blessed me with parents who taught how to be frugal yet functional and let me live with them rent free; scholarships that helped fund 3 out of my 4 years of college; ample employment and great company benefits and health insurance that have saved me large amounts of money over the years. Although I have had thousands of dollars in medical bills each year since graduating college, I have been able to maintain very good financial status. My problems could have been so much worse. But, my security net has recently gotten some holes in it.
Why? One word: Baby!
I have been feeling a great deal of anxiety about our changing financial situation with the birth of little Gracie. I will no longer be working full-time. We have to change health insurance providers, which, with my current amazing team of doctors that I rely heavily on, is kinda-okay, really- traumatic for me to no longer have at my disposal. Putting your health care in a new person's hands is nerve-wracking! Brian still has one more pre-req class to take to be able to apply to PA school, and that and applying are not cheap! Overall, we will be living on less, expending more to support a child and investing into the PA school venture-not knowing if will become a reality. It's un-nerving!
A couple of months ago, Brian and I were looking through the information for our new insurance through his company and, well, be glad you weren't in our little condo; I near blew a gasket! Among higher co-pays and less coverage than we are used to having access to, the deductible for the lower plan will be $4000 for our little family of 3! That is INSANE!! From my vantage point of needing so much health care, and a new baby needing lots of doctor visits, I could see our bank account dwindling ever more having to pay for so much out of pocket.
There goes my security net! I thought over and over. Experiencing many symptoms that would put a panic attack to shame and struggling to hold in fearful tears, I went into our bedroom and started a conversation with my Heavenly Father. I told him of the anxieties I had been having and that this new knowledge just put me over the top.
"Father, there are so many changes that are going to come, and you know how hard they are for me to adapt to. I will be jumping into such unknown territory and it scares the heck out of me! My security net is ripping! I need my net!"
I had barely spoken this when these words came to my mind: "Who should your real security net be?"
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have relied so much on finances and other temporal things for my security when I should have been relying on my Heavenly Father. He is the one who holds all things, from how much money is is our bank account, to how well our cars run, to our hopes and dreams-everything!-in His hands. He is the one who will always be there to hold us.
It's surprising how much a single question can chasten you, and this one sure did.
This was quite the "Aha!" moment for me, and I have tried in the weeks since to think first of my Father in Heaven when times of anxiety have come, helping me choose to trust in Him. And the change I have seen in myself is quite significant. It's now been 9 weeks after our little baby finally came into this world. I just paid the first of the medical bills, and though I wish the money were still in our bank account, it was easier for me to click the button to send the payment than it would have been without my change of perspective. I wasn't gripped with the dread and fear that normally accompany such things.
Life isn't and never will be easy. There things that will threaten us and our sense of security and well-being. Our little family will go through ups and times of testing and struggle. But I will not put my trust in the arm of the flesh for the sense of security that I really need. I will turn to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They are the right source of help and peace. I know in whom I have trusted.
I have been feeling a great deal of anxiety about our changing financial situation with the birth of little Gracie. I will no longer be working full-time. We have to change health insurance providers, which, with my current amazing team of doctors that I rely heavily on, is kinda-okay, really- traumatic for me to no longer have at my disposal. Putting your health care in a new person's hands is nerve-wracking! Brian still has one more pre-req class to take to be able to apply to PA school, and that and applying are not cheap! Overall, we will be living on less, expending more to support a child and investing into the PA school venture-not knowing if will become a reality. It's un-nerving!
A couple of months ago, Brian and I were looking through the information for our new insurance through his company and, well, be glad you weren't in our little condo; I near blew a gasket! Among higher co-pays and less coverage than we are used to having access to, the deductible for the lower plan will be $4000 for our little family of 3! That is INSANE!! From my vantage point of needing so much health care, and a new baby needing lots of doctor visits, I could see our bank account dwindling ever more having to pay for so much out of pocket.
There goes my security net! I thought over and over. Experiencing many symptoms that would put a panic attack to shame and struggling to hold in fearful tears, I went into our bedroom and started a conversation with my Heavenly Father. I told him of the anxieties I had been having and that this new knowledge just put me over the top.
"Father, there are so many changes that are going to come, and you know how hard they are for me to adapt to. I will be jumping into such unknown territory and it scares the heck out of me! My security net is ripping! I need my net!"
I had barely spoken this when these words came to my mind: "Who should your real security net be?"
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have relied so much on finances and other temporal things for my security when I should have been relying on my Heavenly Father. He is the one who holds all things, from how much money is is our bank account, to how well our cars run, to our hopes and dreams-everything!-in His hands. He is the one who will always be there to hold us.
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| Security, David Bowman |
This was quite the "Aha!" moment for me, and I have tried in the weeks since to think first of my Father in Heaven when times of anxiety have come, helping me choose to trust in Him. And the change I have seen in myself is quite significant. It's now been 9 weeks after our little baby finally came into this world. I just paid the first of the medical bills, and though I wish the money were still in our bank account, it was easier for me to click the button to send the payment than it would have been without my change of perspective. I wasn't gripped with the dread and fear that normally accompany such things.
Life isn't and never will be easy. There things that will threaten us and our sense of security and well-being. Our little family will go through ups and times of testing and struggle. But I will not put my trust in the arm of the flesh for the sense of security that I really need. I will turn to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They are the right source of help and peace. I know in whom I have trusted.
