Normally I am uber-anxious to pick up my daughter at the end of the two days I work each week. I am so excited to be reunited with my little girl! But my pain and exhaustion are usually a lot greater on those days, and I kinda don't want to have to go home and have to be a Mommy. It's hard to take care of a little one when pain, nausea and fatigue are through the roof and I feel I can barely move my extremities.
But one day last week, though that was the case, all I wanted to do was hold, feed, care for and play with my little girl. I drove to my parent's house after work literally bouncing up and down in my seat because I was so giddy to be reunited with Gracie again. I ran to the front door and into the house. Normally, my mom continues holding Gracie for a few minutes after I get there so we don't disturb her, but that day, I took her right away. I wanted to snuggle that little bundle of joy! As I picked her up and gazed into her sweet snoozing face, I was overwhelmed at the sudden, strong yearning I felt for her to know of the truths of the Gospel I know and to live a good, righteous life.
It was one of those "swelling moments", where something just hits you so hard and so good, and you know it's from the Spirit. I knew at that moment what it means to say that my greatest joy is to know that my children walk in righteousness. That is what matters most in my life: to have my children walk in righteousness and become true disciples of Jesus Christ.
There are so many purposes I have in life, but I had the strong impression in this moment that all of them have prepared me for and culminated in the purpose of my being a mother. I can see clearly the under-side of the weaving of tapestry of my life so far in shaping me for this. I'm not saying that being a mother is the only thing that matters or the only role to which I will give my attention or effort. All the other things that are important to me; all the things I do and say, all the people that mean so much to me, they all matter. I don't think any less of them. All those things and people make me who I am, and therefore are making me the mother I will and want to be. My children will learn from my example, from the other purposes and missions I have. How I engage in those purposes, they will see.
Never before have I felt such a mantle, such a stewardship. But it is one I willingly carry, just as the Savior carried His own and walked the greatest path of righteousness that has and ever will be. He is walking right beside me, sometimes carrying me and this mantle, to help me be the best mother I can be.
I have great opportunity to influence the lives of the spirits that will come into my home, every moment of every single day. More than anything else, I want to live my life so my children will know that I walk in righteousness. It is my hope and prayer that they will desire to follow, walking along beside me and their father, and then, as they grow, walking on their own righteous path next to our Savior Jesus Christ.
