A Different Kind of Grace

Today I am writing about Grace, but not the enabling power that comes through the Atonement that allows us to lay hold on eternal life. By the title of this blog and my frequent writings on the subject, it's easy to see that am very partial to the doctrine of grace. I LOVE IT!!! I believe in and know it's power to enable and ennoble because I've experienced it so intimately in my own life.
The Grace I speak of today, however, is the one that I currently have inside my belly. Yes! Brian and I found out on Wednesday that our baby is a little girl!

I have felt through this entire pregnancy that the life growing inside me was a girl. Call it the Spirit, call it mother's intuition, but it was right on! I was okay if it was going to be a boy as well. But thinking about the possibility that it could a boy made me sad, really, because I wanted so much to be able to name a child Grace. And there is no way we are naming a boy Grace!
I've had this inclination for about three years. It's because of it's meaning: divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ. I've felt that this little one will be a great means of bringing grace into my family's lives, or have special circumstances in which they will really need that grace. So it wasn't so much a surprise, but a peaceful reassurance of my intuition when the ultrasound tech said, "It looks like it's a girl!"
Already this feeling of mine has been brought to pass. It's a miraculous process, the creation of life, but I've needed grace just to get through it. Pregnancy has not been easy, with lots of sickness, pain and fatigue that have worn me out in every way. I didn't think the changes from the growing, stretching and readjusting my body is doing could be so painful, but it actually makes perfect sense. I'm growing a human being inside of me; in a space that is normally quite small and not meant for such a thing in it's current size!

 Along with the physical processes that have been occurring, my emotions are fluctuating due to hormonal changes, but also the changes that I know are coming. The reality that I'm about to become a mother continues to hit me more and more. Motherhood is monumental and completely life-changing. I know life is never going to be the same. I am going to be completely responsible for the care of one of God's children, and the stewardship that comes with that is beautiful but also incredibly overwhelming.
Is my baby going to be healthy and well? Is my baby going to be "hard" or "easy?" Am I going to be able to parent right? Am I going to be able to handle the pressure of having a life that depends completely on my own? Am I going to be able to stay home, or will I need to work? Will I like motherhood?
These questions and more continue running through my head at unsafe speeds that sometimes cause me to completely breakdown. But I got to the point where I told myself I had to stop these train-wrecks of thought waiting to happen and turn to my Heavenly Father. I asked him for the grace I knew I needed to make it through this pregnancy. And He has freely given me that grace. He has literally strengthened me to be able to function physically and emotionally. He has given me people and experiences that have improved my perspectives on motherhood, and I am looking forward to it more and more.

I love this little face!

Gracie waving "Hello!"

Most of all though, I am bonding with my little Grace. I can feel her moving; little rolls and "plop-plops", as I call them, when one of her limbs hits the side of the placenta. I talk to her frequently, and love to call her by name, as does her Daddy. Knowing that she is coming gives me the strength to continue forward with joy, instead of misery. That's perhaps what I needed most of all, as it has been hard to be cheerful when there have been these physical and emotional hurdles to face each day. All of it is worth it! I cannot wait to bring her into this world and see what amazing graces will be bestowed upon us because of her beloved presence in our lives :)