Cruisin' 5th East with Grandma

My work office moved to a new location last month, and it has turned out to have a certain benefit that I initially never would have have realized.  The office used to be located on 700 East, and we are now on 500 East in Murray.  For those in my Lyman family, you may know where I'm going with this if I tell you the benefit has to do with the fact that the office is on 5TH EAST. If not, read on...

My Grandma Lyman passed away 6 months ago, and it was known to almost everybody in her family and ward that she was the biggest supporter of driving 5th East. "You can always get anywhere on 5th East," she would say.  The speed limit was slower, granted, but it was never congested, very quiet and kind of quaint. 

There's only one time I can actually remember witnessing Grandma's love of 5th East in person.  My grandparents, mother and I were driving from their home in Sugarhouse to the Conference Center for a concert, with my Grandpa in the drivers seat, and Grandma in the "backseat driver's" seat.  Now, Grandma and Grandpa were like Earl and Opal Pickles (of the classic comic), and this especially came out while they were driving.  My grandpa was taking his own way down there, and Grandma was opening her mouth every several seconds giving him "suggestions" or outright orders on which way to go.  In those front seats, they were classic curmudgeons, battling it out.  My mother and I couldn't keep the giggles in from the back seats, no matter how much we didn't want them to think we were disrespecting them.  It all came to a head and mom and I lost it in the back seats.  It's one little moment in life that has kept us laughing, and kept my Grandparents alive in our hearts.

Since their death, I have thought of them every time I am driving on 5th East. Normally I would always take 7th East because it's a lot faster.  Now I take 5th East whenever I can, and always drive it on my way home from work.  I roll the windows down, soak up the sun, keep the radio off, and I think of her. I talk to her.  It's my daily communion with my Grandma. 

I feel blessed to have such a physical thing that ties me to her emotionally and spiritually.  She is forever alive, but when I drive 5th East, it's like she's sitting in next seat over, cruisin' with me.

As much as you trust...

So I was reading in Alma 38 today and a particular scripture caught my eye in a new way. It was Alma 38:5:
"And now my son, Shiblon, I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day."
The phrases that stuck out to me were "as much" as you put your trust in the Lord, and "so much" you'll be delivered from your trials.  As I read this, the image that popped into my mind was this written as a math equation on a chalkboard: As much faith as you have=How much deliverance you get.
But that can't be correct, because even the most faithful of people, like President Kimball, who suffered from serious health challenges during his life, don't have their troubles taken magically away.  But it sounded that way from the words right there on the page that I decided to study this one scripture, break it down and try to understand what the Lord is really telling us. So I went onto lds.org and opened up their online Study Notebook to see what insights I could find.  It's the first time I ever used it and I loved it!  It was kind of nice to be able to see the cross-referenced scriptures pop up right there next to the scripture you're reading so you can see them at the same time.  There are three footnotes to this scripture, for the words "trust", "delivered", and "troubles".  In those footnotes, I discovered what the Lord is really saying.
For "trust", Psalms 50:15 and D&C 100:17 talk about calling upon the name of the Lord in our troubles.  Trust here means praying to Him-with faith- and asking for His help.
"Delivered" is cross-referenced to Matthew 11: 28-30:
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
" Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest to your souls.
"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Christ says we can become yoked to Him to make our burdens light.  Now, yokes are custom made specially for the cattle who are going to be wearing them.  Each cattles' neck and head are different, and if it isn't made to exact specifications, it will be painful and uncomfortable-even crippling-to the one wearing it.  When we allow Christ to share our burden, to become yoked to Him, He individualizes our care to lighten our load. None of this necessarily means that our burdens are going to be taken away.  They may still be there, but be easier to endure.

I find it interesting that Christ says 'my burden is light."  You don't think of Christ having burdens or problems, because He's the perfect and saving one.  He helps and saves all of us, the people with all the burdens!  But surely He did suffer ALL burdens.  He may have done it in a garden 2,000 years ago, but He did.  And he remembers every single one.
So with Him our burdens become easier, lighter, and that's what we all desire isn't it?  I know it's what I want.  Some days I will have reached my limit and just want all the bad stuff to be completely removed, eradicated from my life.  Other days I can be content with just a little reprieve.  I don't know what "rest" to my soul will come exactly, but I'm much happier when I have hope in the Savior that it will come.
Even if we have our troubles till the day we die, we will be much happier if we call upon and ask the Lord for His help, yoke ourselves to Him and accept the blessings he has for us, trusting that whatever deliverance He has planned can be enough for us to, even in this life, find rest to our souls.

Christ's Promise: Our Losses Made Up

I'm extra tired tonight- if that's possible. Some unexpected things had come on and pushed me over my threshold.  I was almost overcome and so, when I stopped at dinner to say a blessing on my food, found plea's to the Lord tumbling out of my mouth.  I told Him how I was feeling, the worries I had and then asked Him to give me the strength to get through them all.  I ended my prayer and sat down to eat.

I was reading the paper at dinner, the Mormon Times to be exact (I love it!), and in an article came a small, sweet answer of comfort.  It was simply a quote from the Prophet Joseph Smith, and it was this:

"All your losses will be made up to you in the Resurrection, provided that you continue faithful."

The first part was all that I read before I started to cry (yes, cry, again).  "All your losses will be made up to you in the Resurrection." This message is a doctrine of the gospel, but hearing said it in different words helps you see it in different ways when you really need it.

I'm not going to write anymore, just leave this for you.  What does this mean to you?  Think about it, but keep the answers in your heart.   What losses have you had in life?  What have you had that has been adverse?  What good things that you wanted have you not had?  It doesn't matter what they are, Christ promises you that if you are faithful, they will be made up to you in the Resurrection. What an amazing, wonderful gift to look forward to!  I know I do.

Endoscopy brings...Gratitude

I had an endoscopy Tuesday, and doing so reminded me of some wonderful blessings I sometimes don't see.   Interesting isn't it, how something as odd as a medical procedure-which most people despise-can help you see the good things you have in your life?
When I first arrived at IMC at 2:30 in the afternoon, I was not in a good mood.  I was super-excited to have this done, had been waiting a couple of weeks for it.  I know it meant answers one way or another, and I have needed them badly for the past three months.  But I was hangry-hungry and angry- having not eaten since 8:30 the night before.  I had just finished 6 1/2 hours at work and my pain level was very high.  I wasn't really feeling grateful at the moment, and can ya blame me?  My mother and I waited for the longest hour until I heard a sweet-voiced nurse in the other room say, "We have one more.  Robyn Grant."  My ears perked up and ten seconds she was out calling me name with a big smile on her face.  Hallelujah! I thought.
That was the start of my climb to peace.  In the next half-hour I was waited upon by kind and caring nurses and techs who treated me with utmost respect and who wished me to "feel better soon so you can go out and have some fun."  I got into the procedure room and saw my doctor, my amazing, wonderful doctor.  Dr. Sossenheimer has been my GI Doc for the past 5 years and he has taken such good care of me.  I love this man dearly, dearly. You've gotta know him, but he's this sweet German man and I adore his accent.  He's always asking about my mother and hopes she's doing well (no innuendos intended).  It was he that discovered my celiac disease and he who, when I continued having problems said he would gladly refer me to another Dr. if he couldn't find out what was going on.  That is the trademark of a great doctor.
I felt so grateful to the point of tears as I sat in the procedural room.  I was grateful for my dear mother, who has willingly and lovingly accompanied me for several appt.'s and tests over the past eleven years.  She has always been there.  I was grateful for the friends and family who wished me luck that day and who constantly kept me in their thoughts and prayers.  I was grateful for health insurance, great doctors I have on my team, the opportunity and ability to have tests such as these performed, the miracle of modern medicine and technology, the kind and caring staff who made me feel so at ease. I was grateful for my loved ones who are also going through health challenges and the examples and heros they are to me. I was grateful to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ, and all they have helped carry me through, all the strength they have given me.  I was grateful to be alive, to be loved.
It was a good feeling to have, one that is hard to come by sometimes. I whispered a silent prayer of thanksgiving as I turned over on my side, hoping I could get it all out before oblivion of anesthesia hit me, and I did. And I knew that Heavenly Father heard it.

"Hurt, But Not Broken"

I love the movie, "Dolphin Tale". The film is based on the real-life dolphin, Winter.

Winter with her new tail!

Winter's tail had to be amputated in order for her to live, but she couldn't swim without causing damage to her spine. But a doctor who made prosthetics (played by Morgan Freeman) was able to make a new tail for her (after much trial error) that worked.  The movie also features a young soldier who was wounded in action in the middle east and couldn't walk without the help of a brace.

There is a poignant part in the film where the doctor and soldier are talking in the hospital; the soldier wallowing in pity due to his disability.  He says something to the effect that he is no good and can't do anything anymore.  The good Dr. tells him, "You aren't worthless and you're not broken."  He then proceeds to pick up a glass and drop it, where it shatters on the floor.  "That's broken.  You may be hurt, but you aren't broken." 

What wisdom and insight if in the those words!  I thought a lot about that this week.  I had another gut attack and was out of commission (more than usual) for a few days.  I also had a test at the U of U hospital, and the results came up negative.  Truth be told, I was really hoping this one would come up positive, because it would explain a lot of the problems I've had.  So many things I have fit with this particular condition, and I had high hopes of finally finding answers.  But alas, it wasn't to be.  I had my breakdown in the hospital room, letting me hopes abruptly to end.  That, on top of being really sick for the second time in a month, reallllllly got me down.  I felt so...broken.

I wonder most days if I'll ever feel whole again. I exercise my faith and hope as much as I can, but to date those haven't lead to the blessings and answers I'd hoped for. Don't get my wrong, good things still happen, and I know Heavenly Father is watching over me.  But still the hurt is so great that I don't want to have to take one more blow.

But this analogy in the movie of, "You may be hurt, but you aren't broken", is a great metaphor for the Atonement. Because of Christ, I can never be completely broken.  You can never be broken. Christ let himself be completely broken so we don't ever have to be.  It's in those times when we are hurting the most that we can become stronger, if we let Him. We may be hurt, but we aren't broken, even if we don't feel "whole".

Change Your Questions, Change Your Life!

Today I pulled out a book my mother gave me a couple of years ago, one that I love but have neglected the past several months.  It is Wendy Watson Nelson's "Change Your Questions, Change Your Life".  This book is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!  Simply amazing.

"Questions can be so powerful!  They can help us to see, feel, think, and do things differently! Do you want better relationships?  Then ask better questions.  Do you want a great life? Learn to ask great questions," she states. After talking about different types of questions, Wendy challenges readers to examine what questions they have consciously and sub-consciously been asking themselves and the impact those questions have on their outlook and attitude on life.  

As I read through the first half of the book, I took Wendy's challenge, asking myself specific questions and recording my answers and thoughts.  I learned that most of the questions I had been asking had, without me realizing it, been doing some not good things (to say it lightly) for me.  Instead of enlivening and encouraging me and enlarging my life, they were depressing, discouraging and demoralizing me.  They invited fear and frustration into my life, instead of joy.

I found myself wanting earnestly to change my questions, not because someone told me it would be good idea, but because I wanted to.  I desperately wanted to ask questions that would help me look for the sunshine through the clouds, not constantly brood in my bitterness and broken dreams.  

I am so glad that I brought the book out today.  I've fallen back to a more cynical path the past few months, and I want to get back on the sunny side of the street.  I'll need to do some re-examination of the questions I'm asking myself, especially the destructive little ones that have wiggled their way into my psyche and settled down deep. I can bear you my witness that changing your questions can truly change your life.  And there is no better guide than Jesus Christ, and the book, "Change Your Questions..." is the best one of the best physical road maps I have found.  I'm going to post different excerpts from the book here and there and hope ya'll will post your own questions that have helped change your life, for one question from you may help change another's life too.

Believe in You...

Sometimes in life it's hard to believe in ourselves.  We struggle and doubt our ability to perform certain tasks, reach goals and overcome obstacles.  We don't know if we have what it takes to make it through.  Through school, work, relationships, illness or injury.
This has been a recurring theme in my life, especially when things just get harder, harder, and yes, even harder.  I guess I've learned to expect things to get worse, and maybe that's why some things have.  I've been a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I wonder how I can ever make it through to the other side of a challenge in life. But at the same time, God has been beside me and proven to me that I can make it through.  It may not be pretty and I may come out scarred, but I also come out with a new realization that I can do more than I think I can because I just did it.
There are a few particular people I know who are amazingly strong. A woman I work with has survived a battle with cancer and now lives with chronic pain and fatigue that are very hard to bear.  But she comes to work every single day, performs her responsibilities very well and is a hardworking, loving mother, sister and friend.  When we asked each other how we were doing one morning this past week, we both said we were feeling tired and yucky but we'd get through the day anyway.  It's just we have learned to do.  But I told her that I've often had the feeling that if someone else could feel for one day what we feel every day, they may very well be calling in sick to work and spending the day in bed.  So really-and I do not say this boastfully- we are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. And sometimes it is the strongest people who need to believe more in themselves.  This quote by Pres. Gordon B. Hinkley says it best:
"Believe in yourself.  Believe in your capacity to do great and good things.  Believe that no mountain is so high that you cannot climb it.  Believe that no storm is so great that you cannot weather it.  You are not destined to be a scrub.  You are a child of God, of infinite capacity.
"Believe that you can do it-whatever it is that you set your heart on.  Opportunities will unfold and open before you.  The skies will clear when they have been black with portent."
I love that!  We don't just have the ability to do great things, we have the infinite capacity to do anything.  I'm going to try harder to believe in myself, and I hope you will too.